18 ways of Despair
by Betsumei Boto
Summary: Femslash. Naruko's life has taken some serious turns of events as she tries get over her new found trust issues, and the suddenly love interest from the most unexpected of them all.With the help of friends and a certain purple hair Kunoichi, will Naruko be able to come to terms with her new self or will she forever be in despair. Rated M for later chapters. Anko/Naruko. Femnaru
1. Chapter 1

A/N: **i know I've posted a lot of stories recently but don't worry I already have the second chapter half way done and you guys should get it by next Saturday.**

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Despair #1

_Despair is darkness-_

_~Shalom Freedman _

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Your just acting childish she tried to convince herself. It wasn't helping though as she left her heart sink lower and lower into despair.

_They'll hate me, they'll run me out of the village. I can't tell them, there's to much at risk._

Naruko whimpered and hugged her knees to her chest as more and more negative thoughts entered her brain. She had taken a sick leave today, deciding that skipping training and missions would probably help clear her confusing thoughts, oh how wrong she had been. As soon as she had arrived back in her apartment her thoughts had attacked her, tearing her to pieces to the point she was left shivering sitting in the corner of her bed. Taking a sick leave had been the worse decision she had ever made, and to make things worse she had decided to make it last three weeks. Why so long? She didn't know, but at the time it had sounded the best, and she had so many why not use her amount to her advantage.

I'm so stupid what was I thinking, this is going to kill me. I should just tell grandma Tsunade maybe she would understand.

Naruko slightly smiled, the first in weeks at the thought that maybe she finally found a way out, maybe just maybe she could get herself fixed. The smile suddenly vanished though as she remembered that  
though grandma Tsunade supported the jinchuriki's she wouldn't possibly support her now. She was a monster for Kami's sakes.

_NOOOOO! I can't tell grandma Tsunade either, I'll get thrown out of the village._

By now tears were flowing freely down Naruko's perfectly tanned skin. Soon after the hiccups started and the gasping followed. She was going crazy, she couldn't take it. Finally feeling exhaustion roll into her system Naruko laid down, pulling the blankets tightly over her shivering form as she tried to get some rest.

She heard hushed whispers outside of her door, someone was here, someone was looking for her. Silently she slid out of her bed and tip toed over to the door. Placing her ear against the wood she listened carefully to whatever was happening.

"Tsunade this is not a request but an order from the council, this girl has become far to dangerous."

"Who are you and the council to be giving me orders, last time I checked I was the Hokage of this village not the council" Tsunade bit back harshly.

"For thousands of years the council has had the right to over rule a hokage's vote if it is necessary and proper and with a two-thirds vote from both the Civilian council and the Ninja council. We won this vote by a full house."

Naruko shivered as she heard a ninja land on top of the roof of a neighboring building, he was quickly followed by another and another until her building was completely surrounded by ninja and Anbu. She  
watched then for a second waiting to see if they would do anything but when they didn't do anything she pressed her ear back against the door resuming listening to the conversation despite knowing nothing good would come out of staying.

"This is bullshit! Naruko's only seventeen and wouldn't hurt a fly if it was her god dam choice so how the hell is it that you expect her to be the cause of those deaths!" Tsunade was screaming now not even  
bothering to keep her voice low.

Suddenly their was the sound of flesh hitting flesh.

"Keep your voice down woman, we don't want to wake her. If she somehow gets away because you woke her it will be your head instead of her's." the man whispered harshly.

Naruko's eyes widened, she took a step back from the door fear wrecking her body as she heard footsteps come closer and closer. She had been so focused on the door that she forgot to worry about the ninjas on the other roof tops. So she was expected to be surprised as suddenly the glass slider door to her balcony shattered and two Anbu ninja landed gracefully before her followed by two more and then two other ninjas. She didn't have time to dodge before she was tackled by the first two Anbu and roughly sent to ground, and given a chakra enhanced punch to the face.

A scream was ripped from her lips as she felt pain course through her nasal system, no doubt her nose was broken. It was then that the door was blasted open by a lightning jutsu. As the smoke cleared she first saw grandma Tsunade step through the smoke followed by a old man covered in bandages. He looked familiar but she couldn't quite place her tongue on from where.

"It's nice to finally be graced with your presence...Kyuubi." the man said walking closer with the help of his wooden cane.

"I'm not the Kyuubi!"

"Silence!" the man glared done at Naruko with his one good eye. Suddenly his frowned lips turned into a grin as he tapped his cane against the floor.

Naruko released yet another blood crawling scream as another chakra enhanced punch landed on her face this time breaking her jaw.

"You bastard! There's no point to any of this, if thus is what the council voted to do then I was right. Your a bunch of old buffoons who can't tell right from left! Your about to kill an innocent person in  
your hatred!"

"You will speak when spoken to,Kyuubi. Is that understood. The sane goes for you as well Tsunade, you she be happy I haven't had you trailed for treason, helping this this"

"Demon!"

Naruko fearing yet another punch did nothing but nod. Her eyes flickered over to were grandma Tsunade stood. Her face was cold and her cheek was still from the slap. Naruko felt anger boil in her stomach.

"Naruko Uzumaki also known as Kyuubi No Yoko you are here by sentence to immediate death for the murder of Fourth Hokage, and thousands of civilians and ninjas alike."

Tears swelled up in Naruko's eyes. Death? She hadn't killed anybody even on missions she never killed anyone maybe servery injured but never killed. Had the council finally figured out a way to disposing  
of her.

"I haven't done anything!"

"Silence!" another tap of his cane and another punch to her face.

The man finally walked closer and Naruko whimpered as she was picked up and sat on her knees. Shivers once again took control of her body as the mans hand gently stroked her tear stained cheeks.

"Such a shame that a body as yours has to go to waste."

Beside her the Anbu cleared his voice.

"If I will Danzo-sama the councils order were to merely to "remove Naruko-san from the equation" never did they give a time limit of when she must be executed."

Danzo chuckled the Anbu was I'm fact correct. Naruko could only gag and cry as Danzo suddenly forced two fingers down her throat until her gag reflex kicked in.

"Well look at that Kyuubi your body won't go to waste after all. Men feel free to remove your mask at any point at all. Tonight's going to be a **long**night."

Naruko screamed as her night clothing were suddenly cut clean from her body. She screamed and pleaded for Tsunade to help her to rescue her from the pain she was feeling, only to receive a cold stare.

Why won't she help me? I knew she wouldn't side with me once found out? Please Kami end this quickly

It wasn't until her battered body had been tossed and used by every ninja, female and make alike. She had been horrified when most removed their mask to reveal faces she knew fairly way. It wasn't until she had finally been thrown to the side that she finally became aware of the one ninja stalking slowly towards her, kunai in hand.

_Get up dammit! Get up!_

Naruko cried as she felt the cool metal of the kunai being pressed against her throat. Naruko looked over to grandma Tsunade one last time through blurry vision.

"Please grandma Tsunade! Help me!"

"Korosu!" Danzo finally order and Naruko's would suddenly went dark.

Naruko jolted awake body trembling and sweaty as big fat tears rolled down her face. Hugging her knees to her chest and pushing the thought of her soaked shorts, panties and the smell of urine to the back of her mind she cried.

_I can't tell them! I can't tell anyone! I don't want to die... I don't want to be raped!_

As Naruko cried defenseless against the dark thoughts that raided her mind her heart sunk even lower into despair.

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**Continue or Not?**


	2. Chapter 2

**I want to thank everyone who favorited the story, and or followed it, and though I'm not getting your thoughts through review the amount of veiws I'm getting is really helping me get these chapters done quicker than i thought.**

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Despair #2

_Despair is death inside and death in the world and death in one's own sad soul- _

_~Shalom Freedman _

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**Two weeks later**

_Their going to start worrying, their going to come find me and then they'll find out._

Naruko was once again shaking on the corner of her bed, since her first nightmare it had been a constant cycle. Spend the day fighting off negative thoughts, cry herself to sleep, wake up from her nightmare only to find she had peed in the bed again, and fight off negative thoughts again until morning came and repeat.

Today though she had a sickening feeling that something horribly wrong was going to happen.

Naruko was just in the process of step two in her cycle; cry herself to sleep once she heard a gentle knocking at her door.

"Naruko are you in there."

Naruko went still her trembling coming to a sudden halt, her soft hiccuping were silenced, and most of all those negative thoughts vanished from the depths of her mind. It wasn't until there was another series of knocks, this time with more force, that Naruko's mind seemed jump start again.

_Noo! Please __Tsunade-baachan don't put up a fight, please just leave me!_

"Hey Naruko, I'm coming in."

"No!" Naruko shouted. The singular word slipped from her slips with such ease that it wasn't until she had said it that she had realized it.

"Naruko nobodies seen you in weeks we're all worried about you.". Tsunade's voice was gentle losing it's usual sharp edge. It almost tricked Naruko into actually letting the blond haired female in. Almost being the trick word.

"Please Tsunade-baachan, please don't come in." Naruko pleaded, her tears starting back up, followed closely by her hiccuping.

Tsunade stood shell shocked in front of the blond haired females door. She sounded so broken, so fragile as if the tiniest of touches would break her, maybe even send her over the edge. She'd never heard the gaki sound so and truthfully she was extremely worried now.

"Naruko I'm coming in." Tsunade said, slipping into her authoritative role without so much as thinking.

Pushing the door open Tsunade wasn't ready for what greeted her. The first of which to greet her was the smell of urine and lots of it, the second was darkness. Taking a step into the apartment she closed the door behind her gently and and locked it. Next she turned on the light and was greeted by a loud hiss from the very person in question. She heard shuffling and then the sound of covers being moved around.

As she walked closer to the bed she knew the child she thought of as a daughter was hiding under the covers on the acid smell grew stronger and more foul, and the sound of sobbing grew louder.

"Naruko?"

"Please."

Tsunade's face scrunched up at her adopted-daughter's child like voice. Tsunade sat on the end of the bed becoming instantly aware of how wet it was. There was hesitation in her movements but Tsunade gripped tightly onto the cover and tugged gently on it.

"Naruko what happened to you, when did this happen!" Tsunade jumped back, hand coming to cover her mouth as she took in her blonds appearance.

Naruko still had her golden blind hair and sparkling blue eyes. Her skin was still silk smooth and free of blemish, but her ears had been replaced by two blond fox ears that were drooping deeply giving away the blond's depression, and a matching blond fox tail was curled protectively around her short slim body.

"Please don't tell the council, I'll be good, I'll be a good girl." Naruko whispered through her tears.

"Naruko what on earth are you talking about, how did you get like this?"

"I didn't do it. I promise so don't let them hurt me, please Oka-san don't let them hurt me."

Tsunade's eyes widen, quickly she sat back down on the edge of the of the bed and pulled the blond female into her lap, softly stroking her hair and rubbing soothing circles on her back. Though she was worried about the demoness well being she couldn't help but smile at the sudden term of endearment

"Shh Naruko it's okay, no bodies going to hurt you, your safe here." Tsunade whispered softly into Naruko's hair.

They sat there for what Tsunade could only guess was hours, before the mednin in her started to take over. Carefully Tsunade placed Naruko back on the bed before walking into into the bathroom and running some hot water into the tub. Next she raided the females closet for different clothing to wear along with bed sheets.

Once she had filled the tub with enough water she went back into Naruko's room to retrieve the last thing for the bath, Naruko. Gently picking up the short female in her arms she carried her into the full bathroom. Sitting Naruko down on the toilet seat Tsunade began her diagnostic if the female before her. She was covered in urine, clothing were soaked, and she was incredibly thin from days without food and water but other than that she couldn't find any visible damage done to the blond.

Crouching in front of Naruko, Tsunade started the process of removing her clothing. She took note of how Naruko's trembling increased as well as her whimpering. Helping the blond into the tub and then instructed her to sit down.

Tsunade was gentle as she bathed the girl, always telling her what she was doing before she did it.

_Though she's not hurt at all there are some serious symptoms that point to mental trauma, but what doesn't seem to add up though is why she's acting like a rape victim._

After Tsunade finished drying Naruko off she helped Naruko with get clean night clothing and then directed her into the small kitchen she owned. Making a ham sandwich she wasn't surprised when Naruko was unresponsive to the foo in front off her, she had been wear this distant look on her face all day.

"Please Naruko try to eat something, I don't want to have to force feed you." Tsunade whispered softly to the female beside her. Once again her only response was silence and a distant look.

Tsunade sighed "Force feeding it is."

Taking a bite from the ham sandwich Tsunade chewed it until it was the proper size to be swallowed. Leaning it she kissed the blond forcing Naruko's mouth open before moving the chewed ham sandwich to the blond's mouth. Pulling back she instructed for the kitsune to swallow, to say she was glade when Naruko actually managed to swallow would be an understatement.

The rest of the dinner was like this until the whole sandwich was gone and Naruko's tail started to switch tiredly signaling that it was time the blond returned back to her bed. Tsunade change the soaked sheets for the sheets for the new ones she ha pulled out earlier. Now that her bed was somewhat adequate be slept in Tsunade tucked Naruko back in.

Tsunade leaned down kissing the blond's forehead before turning to leave, only be stopped by the silk soft tail wrapping around her wrist. Turning back to Naruko, Tsunade heart positively broke at the sight. Naruko was curled richly into a ball, face hidden behind her arms.

"Please don't go, don't leave me. I promise, I'll be better next time, so don't leave me." Naruko whispered voice once again sounding much like a broken child.

Tsunade gave the kitsune a sad smile before laying down on the bed next to Naruko, her arms coming up to wrap around the female and pull her into her chest. Running her hands through Naruko's hair Tsunade watched as blue eyes slipped closed and her breathing became shallow.

_Please Kami this girl has been through so much, don't take away her happiness now._

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**So what did you think it's not exactly filled with as much emotion as i was trying to put into it but I'm satisfied with it for now. Please review, Hint: it would help me get the next chapter out quicker.**


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